She realized that you weren't the one who wrecked her, ruined her, or destroyed her. She realized she did that to herself. She’s the only one who has the power to do that -- to herself.
The guilt and the shame kept her quiet and paralyzed – she did nothing. If only she knew, that just four years later she would feel hurt, embarrassed and empty. Pushing the secret so far back in her mind in hopes of forgetting it, that even when it had to be said, she couldn’t believe it. She believes if she were to share it, you wouldn't look at her the same. She carries a pain so deep you'll never see. She locked it away and buried the key. Her dignity and self-worth were stripped from her. She felt as if she only had two ways out and she couldn't choose which way to go.
Her choices allowed her to see and go through things she shouldn't of had to. She fakes a smile, every day. She buries her emotions deep inside her soul. If she ever truly showed you what's inside, she'd run away and hide, but no matter where she goes, these feelings stay inside of her. It’s an eternal torture that never dies. There are voices that fill her head whispering, "You’re better off dead." This pain of living hurts her heart. She wonders if she should have ended it from the start. Faking happiness is nearly an impossible task, when she gets home she takes off the mask, but somehow she manages to get by, going through everyday about to cry.
Will this pain ever go away?
She chose to trust in the one who gave her life. She decided this secret will not beat her – no matter how hard it is, she will fight. She decided the choices of her past will not keep her chained up. She decided she will overcome the guilt, the shame, the embarrassment and the hurt. She decided that her past will no longer dictate her future. She realized it will take time, which means taking one step at a time, one day at a time, until she can walk with her head up high.
She realized she couldn’t do this alone, and she chose Christ. She takes back the power of darkness by shedding light and breaking free of what has held her. She now leans on the creator of heaven and earth, knowing restoration, forgiveness, and redemption is hers! All for her...
Now it is easier to face the day, easier to see the sunshine and the sparkle of life. And knowing she is not alone brings the comfort and trust to step closer to freedom day by day!
Will this pain ever go away? Yes, in Christ it did!