At a time in my life I could not see what God had in store for me. I was living from house to house hoping and praying I had somewhere to stay. Now I look back and realize the damage I have caused with some relationships, and the damage I did to myself. As time goes by I find myself expecting something I never imaged happening to me at twenty years old. This was never in my life plan, if I had one. I wasn't worried because I had the man of my dreams who loved me unconditionally. He was abusive physically and emotionally but said he cared for me. Hit me a few times but apologized for it and told me it would never happen again. He wasn't faithful or committed but that didn't matter because now I was carrying his child. All of this would change now. I delivered my daughter and the whole world changed in my eyes. My whole mentality changed once I had my daughter. What I used to like I didn't like anymore. Still living old habits because that's what I was used too. Back to partying and drinking my life away. Had to play catch up because I wasn't able to drink for eight long months. Who I thought I was, I wasn't anymore. My old habits became negative in my eyes. My daughter’s father and I grew farther and farther apart as the days went by. Arguing, bickering, and not getting along; we decided to split.
God’s presence all along became obvious to me once I made the decision to end the relationship. I believe that. Over the years I have been broken, beaten down, and dusted off to rise again. I had to fall to arrive where I am today. I am a mother to a beautiful vivacious five-year old. Having my daughter was the turning point to my life, truly a blessing. God has proved himself to me in many ways that I cannot even describe. Psalm 46:5 states, “God is within her she will not fail. God will help her at break of day.” It took years for me to truly believe that. This was not the ending point of my life. I had to change my life, for the better. What I was experiencing was not Gods will for my life. I have become closer to God then I have ever been within my whole life. Within this process I had to learn patience, to trust God, depend on him not myself, and to follow his word. Is it easy? No, but God has so much to offer, and created me for a purpose. You cannot expect blessings while giving half of yourself to him. The same way we are committed to watching our favorite show every week, is the same way God wants us to be committed to him.
Over these past four years God has proven his word true. Throughout the years God has opened many doors for me as well as my daughter. God blessed me with a job that became a career. Becoming a teacher at a “Montessori School” is one of the blessings I still haven't grasped the fullness of. Years ago, I never thought I would become a teacher. Working with children I needed to possess patience, great communicating skills, and have time management and organizational skills. This took work and development. With the struggles of being a single parent I didn’t have patience to consider other children needs; I did not appreciate communication because it was easier to shelter myself; I didn’t want relationships at work because they would ask questions about myself and I did not want to share my story with them. Being a new mother, learning to manage a child and life was difficult for me. I was the women who cared about what was said about me, and was most comfortable putting on a mask as if everything in my life was perfect. Proverbs 29:25 states “Fear of man will prove to be a snare but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept sake.” Do I believe that now? One hundred percent. There’s only one judgment I care about, and that is the guy above (God). He sent His son to die for me without hesitation. Did anyone else? No, so why was their judgement so important to me?
Still to this day, I juggle with being a single parent. It’s far from being easy. To all the single mothers, I applaud us. It is a juggle and a struggle everyday, however everyday we conquer the responsibility. I know it can be exhausting juggling it all, yet I am confident that God entrusted us with being mothers and he doesn’t give us more than we can bare. Our wisdom is overcoming through pain, fear, and doubt. We may question every move or decision we make. We are growing in confidence. Sometimes we may look like a frazzled mess. Yeah, that’s okay. We have a sparkle in our eyes that can only come from the love of our children. We glow, we are beautiful, we are brave, and we are strong. Through the grace of God, hard work, His guidance, and trust in Him, we will continue to flourish. We are fearfully and wonderfully made. God has a journey for all of us and the journey we are on now is just the beginning.